It is not often that I am at a loss for words about a film. This is one of those times. “G.I. Joe” is one of those awful films that leaves me simply blank. It is so bad in so many ways that it just confuses and angers me. There is simply nothing to like here. This is such an uninspired waste of my time.
The film opens in France, in 1641. The Scotsman Klan McCullen has been accused of selling weaponry to both the Scots and French. Rather than being executed for treason, the jury brands his face with a white-hot mask in order to humiliate him. In the near future, weapons expert James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) has created a nanotechnology-based weapon capable of destroying an entire city. His company MARS sells four warheads to NATO, and the U.S. Army is tasked with delivering the warheads. Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are delivering the warheads when they are ambushed by the Baroness (Sienna Miller), who Duke recognized to be his ex-fiancee Ana Lewis. Duke and Ripcord are rescued by Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). They take the warheads to The Pit, G.I. Joe’s command center in North Africa, and upon arriving rendezvous with General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), the head of the G.I. Joe Team. Hawk takes command of the war-heads and excuses Duke and Ripcord, only to be convinced to have them join his group after Duke reveals that he knows the Baroness
That description I just copy and pasted from IMDB.com because honestly, I could not really tell you too much about the plot from simply watching the movie. Anytime we did get some dialogue about what was going on, it was suddenly disrupted by loud, incomprehensible action sequences. During these endless scenes of explosions, gun fire and random violence, I didn’t find one exciting moment. Everything looks awful and is strung together so poorly that you don’t get any sense of logic to how the action is playing out.
Director Stephen Sommers really has no vision for this film at all. He assembles a cast to play these cardboard characters with little to no development other then stereotypes. The action scenes he puts together are simply a mess. I heard that during the production of this movie he was fired and then rehired due to the lack of available directors. That is not a good sign.